Have you ever felt like you were all alone in the world? No one really cared about you? No one to cheer you on? No one had your back when you really needed it?
Throughout my life I have struggled with these thoughts.
If I were to show you a picture of my family it would certainly cause you to ask the question… How could one feel alone in the world when they have such a large family? Trust me, it has confused me for a majority of my life. My parents had the most unique relationship, in fact I have never encountered another family quite like ours. They had this strange love/hate relationship, where periods of separation became the norm. Although it must have taken place, I don’t recall listening to angry outbursts that lead up to the eventual separations. As a young child I would just notice that my dad wasn’t there for a period of time and suddenly he would be back in the scene and the cycle would begin all over again. Miraculously, through this unstable marriage, my parents had eleven children, it seems impossible but it’s true. Eventually my parents divorced and moved on with their separate lives. I remember thinking as a teenager, there was no way in hell, that I would allow myself to live in a relationship like that.
Unaware of my subconscious need to fill the void, I spent my life seeking the perfect somebody. In my teens, after failed attempts in relationships and friendships, I came to the conclusion that it must be me. I repeatedly asked myself what is wrong with me? What do I need to change so that I can fit in? Why don’t I even feel welcome in my own family? And that is when I began my journey of self-reflection. I dedicated a big part of my life to personal development, determined to get to know and understand what makes me tick and why. I began reading self-help books, attended bible studies, completed a variety of courses and programs. My thirst for knowledge and understanding of human behavior continues to thrive in me today.
In 2014 I was given an opportunity to work with an amazing women, coach and mentor; Jayne Johnson. Jayne is a clearing specialist, she helps people remove thoughts that don’t work and enhance thoughts that do. I had decided that I wanted to work in this field and Jayne agreed to train me. During one of our training sessions I had an image pop into my mind. The visualization had no relation to our discussion, but I felt I should share it with her. I saw a child standing in a forest, no colour, no details, more like a shadow reflection. We decided to take some time to process it and as I was answering her questions I came to the realization that the shadow was me. I was about six years old and I was standing in our yard as my mom was leaving with my younger siblings. I could not understand why she was leaving me behind, what had I done? How could she abandon me! I became aware that it was that very moment, as a small child, that I believed I was so messed up that my own mother couldn’t love me. I’ve spent my entire life seeking acceptance for who I am. Desperately seeking lifelong commitment and unconditional love. I spent years of my life attempting to bring my family together as a unit. It became clear that was not going to happen, so I committed to focusing my energy on loving myself, my husband, my children and grandchildren. I want them to know that no matter what happens along the way, I will always love them and because we truly love and care about each other, we will overcome any challenge or obstacle that gets in the way.
I founded “Life Back Business Systems” because I firmly believe I have a responsibility to give back to the world and I’m excited to do so! Throughout my journey of personal and business development I’ve connected with some incredible people. People that truly love me for who I am. Coaches and mentors that support me and have my back at all times. I found an amazing group of people that I fit in with and I feel welcomed and appreciated. I want the same for you. Business is not meant to be done alone. Humans need connection to thrive. I encourage you to reach out and ask for help. I’m here to support you in every way that I can.
